The comments pretty much boiled down to:* I appreciate the points you made about the quality of writing "But your intro really sets you up for failur...."It did. My syntax was terrible, the dialog was flat and so on and so-forth (my main character had three different names.)* There was one in particular by a "Vickie" that hit the nail on the head. The nicest part: "You're so self-consciously self-contradictory, self-vaunting and self-evasive, I hardly know where to begin. So I'll won't begin.. ” I say, turning on the remote to level eight.The sensations from the vibrator, surge through her body. Her breathing becomes labored as she gasps for breath and the moans grew louder. Watching, has heightened my state of arousal. “Sir, please give me more, I’m about to come,” Morgan struggles to say between sharp gasps of breath.I crank the remote all the way to level twelve, stand there and watch as her orgasm begins to wash over her body. The screams reach a crescendo, drowning out the. ..” She abruptly stopped, her hands covering her mouth.“Um, I really like you, Tiff, but I’m fucking freezing.” Alaina glanced over towards the building Tiff had pointed to. “Would you like to be my date for dinner and finish this inside?”Tiff’s eye’s bugged out. “Ohmygosh, I’m so sorry, Alaina!” She moved closer, throwing the coat over her date’s shoulders once more. “Here, is that better? Um, can we hold hands again? That was nice?” She looked over, a shy smile on her face.Alaina twined her. Next she leaned up and took off her shirt and skirt. I took off my shirt as well. We kissed for a minute and then she was putting her nipples in my mouth and I was devouring her tits. At first I took the nipples deep in my mouth along with most of her small pert tittie. I deep massaged them with my lips and tongue as I sucked them relentlessly. I positioned her on her back and got over her chest with my mouth so I could suck one tit and squeeze the other pulling and twisting. I took one nipple.
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